Nathaniel's scepticism

I Have this weakness. Being Sceptical.

Lately I have been very aware of this characteristic in myself. It affects my relationships badly, makes me less 'fun' to be around because I'm always looking on the dark side , expecting the worse.This negativity obviously also stains my Christian witness. I have trouble sometimes discerning if I'm just being Sceptical by nature or is it that dark affliction of the soul , Depression ?

Anyway , I've been training my mind to focus on the positive in life (Phil 4:8)

And to take captive my (negative) thoughts (2 Cor 10:5)

For sure, It does help to stay mentally positively fit. It is hard work for me !

Joyce Meyer's book 'The battlefield of the mind' helps me a lot.

I often feel despondent about this sceptical inclination in me. Feel like I can not possibly be 'used by God' in this state.A Friend made me aware that these feelings of unworthiness and accusation is coming from the Evil One. If I give in to a moment's thought along these lines, I spiral down into a deep dark hole of sceptical negativity and depression. Just where the enemy wants me !

You do not love people like God wants you to,

you do not trust them,

you are always looking for the bad, expecting the worse.

You might as well give up on this whole 'christian attitude'

You are a hypocrite, you are false !

Today, on Mother's Day , the Lord has encouraged me tremendously about living with this weakness of mine, this thorn in my flesh (or rather soul)

I watched the Nativity Story on DVD last night. It was beautifully unpretentious , transporting one to the time of Jesus's birth and making people like Mary and Joseph real. How they must have struggled with living by the promises and gift God has given them in the face of rejection and ridicule. Mary and Joseph never seemed sceptical of God's message to them but they did look half-depressed at times ! Their true humility and nothingness in society was well depicted, I could relate at stages:

How can God choose me ? I am weak ,I am nothing , I am unworthy.

This morning I read the account of Jesus gathering disciples in John 1

Philip have met the Lord and excitedly go off to tell Nathaniel.

Nathaniel is sceptical in his response:

Nazareth! Can anything good come from there ?

The Lord comes up to Nathaniel and tell him:

Here is a true Israelite in whom there is nothing false !

WOW ! Talk about having worth in God's eyes....

But guess how Nathaniel responds !

Sceptically again, he asks:

How do you know me?

Only when the Lord show a bit of humanly impossibleness (said he have seen Nathaniel under the fig tree before Philip even called him ), does Nathaniel accept Jesus as the Messiah.

How do the Lord respond?

You believe because I told you I saw you under the fig tree. You will see greater things than that.I tell you the truth, you shall see heaven open and the angels of God ascending and descending on the Son of Man.

Another man who got to see angels on the heavenly staircase, was Jacob. He saw the same image in a dream ( Gen 28;12 - )

The Lord's message to him was:

I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go.

And I will bring you back to this land

I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised to you.

What is all this saying to me ?

Yes, I have this weakness of being sceptical and negative.

Yes, I have to guard against it developing into depression.

Yes, I have to constantly train my mind to be positive

No, being sceptical by nature does not make me unworthy to God

No, being sceptical does not mean I can't be used by God

God loves me infinitely more than I can imagine.

He is long suffering with my weaknesses and in fact:He uses it to His good!

In Jesus and through Him, every single promise and positive thing He has ever given me in my life, is YES !YES! YES!

And I can say, through Jesus ,AMEN ! AMEN ! AMEN ! to each of these promises.

I have recently read 2 Cor 1:20-22 (see my picture attached from my journal )and it all makes perfect sense to me now.I am in a hurry, have to go look up all His promises to me, write them down, gaze at them, consider them and contemplate all their positiveness.